[Althea] Time to go?

Dear Althea,

I have finished day two of my new job, and so far I like it. I realize this is premature and that I can’t really get a good feel for how things will go until I get out of training, but the general corporate environment feels fairly nice, so that’s a good sign. You’d like it here. They have a “queer” affinity group and some gender-neutral restrooms. It goes without saying I don’t voice gender-critical views, even nicely, while I am on site. (I’m not even going to join the women’s affinity group. It probably has men in it.)

Today I was moving some money around and I noticed that your credit union account, the one I started for you, doesn’t seem to be available to connect to anymore. That was how I used to send money to you, you’ll recall. I have asked your father whether you have left the state yet, and of course he hasn’t answered. I don’t know whether it’s because he’s blocked me or whether it’s because he simply chooses to ignore me, and I’m not sure it matters.

At some point I am going to have a home address again. I feel that day’s getting closer all the time. When that happens and I get settled in I’ll be getting a new phone and a new number. I got the phone number I have now after your dad kicked me out of his house pregnant in mid-2004, and I think part of my healing process is going to involve erasing as many links to that time as I can. There’s no reason the man needs to have any real estate in my daily life whatsoever. Anyway, when I do those things I will send you some text messages. An introduction in case you never read this letter, and then the actual information so that you have it. I will not expect you to use it, because you’re still pretty angry with me. But you’ll have it if you need it.

If for some reason you block me as I’m sending or you delete me afterwards, and if you come across this letter later, just go to my website. If I’m still alive and well, the updated contact information will be there (under a Contact menu link, naturally). It won’t be my home address or main phone number, but probably it’ll be a P.O. box and my Google Voice. You’ll still be able to get a hold of me.

(If Sean’s reading this, same goes for you. I’ll always have contact info there.)

If my site’s gone, obviously something went very wrong. I’m not trying to be dramatic here, just, that’s a reality for people my age. Shit happens suddenly. An old friend of mine died that way. One minute here, next minute poof.

You are in a season of your life when everything is Terribly Important. At some point your brain’s going to get tired of wasting all that energy and it will force you to re-evaluate your prior judgments so it can cut out what isn’t helping you.

I can’t say I’ll be 100% nice about it if you ever come around, but I can say you’ll still be welcome.

Can’t say the same for your father. I may have been angry, but he’s been quietly sadistic. I am completely not happy that you’re leaving Ohio, but I’m very glad if you’re leaving him. Do it. Get out there and see what there is to see. Find people who don’t need to manipulate you.

And good luck. And I love you so much.

And keep coming back here because I still have so much to share with you.

Mom